Making the First Move?

Many people have asked me this question, “Should women make the first move?”

Many are surprised when I say that women generally should not make the first move. We are in the 21st century after all, aren’t we? I agree. I am not saying that we should be entirely passive. But what I am actually saying is… you don’t need to make the first move, but you can give him an invitation to make the first move.

Why? Because most men prefer to feel that they have control of the situation.

My husband and I met at university. After meeting each other at a Dinner and Dance, we exchanged ICQ details. Yes, ICQ was still the in thing then! :) I did not ask him out on a first date. However, I gave him an opportunity to ask me out. We were chatting and it was close to lunch time. Instead of asking him out for lunch outright, I said, “Have you had lunch?” He then replied, “No I have not, what about you?” I said, “Me neither.” Pause. You might be tempted to say more, but don’t. He then said, “Shall we meet for lunch?” And I said, “Ok.”

Another example that I usually give to my female workshop participants. If you are on the phone with him, casually mention that there’s a movie in town that you are dying to watch. But all friends have either already watched it, or not interested to watch at all. Pause.

If he is interested in you, he is likely to then ask you out for a movie date. Why? He knows you want to watch this movie, and nobody will be watching it with you. Hence, if he asks you out to watch this movie with you, you are likely to say yes. Believe it or not, men too are scared of rejections.

Am I saying that you should never never make the first move? There might be times that the man you are interested in is painfully shy. Under these circumstances, you might need to take things in your own hands so to say. :) And the poor guy might actually be grateful that you did. Because he has been dying to ask you out, but just have not summoned enough courage to!

But if the man you are dating is someone who’s outgoing and confident, he probably would prefer to be in control of the situation and make the first move if he knows that you are unlikely to reject him.

So, go out there, widen your social circle, and happy dating! :)

Love,
Violet